Thursday, March 20, 2008

20-Step Guide to Using the Beast Link Gate

Step 1: Get an import copy of EXE6.
Step 2: Get a BLG.
Step 3: Play EXE6 until you get the Beast Out.
Step 4: Save, turn off your game, plug in the BLG, turn it back on.
Step 5: Plug into the intarwebz and get into a battle.
Step 6: Select your chips, wondering why Rock's already Beasted Out.
Step 7: Get hit repeatedly and subsequently deleted by a Met, expecting Rock to move out of the way like EXE4.5.
Step 8: Go back to the intrawebz and get into another battle.
Step 9: Select the highest powered chip you have.
Step 10: Wait for the custom bar to reach the appropriate level.
Step 11: Slot in your chip.
Step 12: Repeat steps 8-11 until either satisfied or your hand snaps off from trying to hold up a GBA and the BLG.
Step 13: There is no Step 13. Nor is there a spoon.
Step 14: Get into a battle with another Navi.
Step 15: Pause for three minutes while you find a chip with the right element.
Step 16: Unpause, slot in your chip, and fire it off.
Step 17: Repause while you get the next one ready.
Step 18: Repeat steps 15-17 until either happy or dead.
Step 19: ????
Step 20: Profit!

In all seriousness, my experience with the BLG has been very much what Flash said about Silver Bullet: "Just a few more minutes until your ultimate demise!" Can you imagine how anticlimactic this would have been in the anime?

Rock: Lan! We've got viruses in the traffic control system, which is why gigantic chunks are flying out of the road and killing people! And the author of this is mixing Japanese and American names!
Lan: Mixing Japanese and American names? OH NOES! I must save the day! PLUG-IN!
Lan: O.O He's not even in the anime!
Rock: Oh, did I say green SparkMan? I meant GravityMan lol.
Lan: *facepalm* Whatever. Battle routine, set!
Rock: We don't say that in the anime, moron.
Lan: We're fighting a Navi from Axess with the Beast Link Gate and you focus on _that_?
Rock: Point taken. Mind sending me some chips?
Lan: One sec. *opens up backpack and turns it upside down, spilling tons of chips on the ground. He starts shuffling them around*
Rock: *is getting pwned by GravityMan* Umm... Lan? I could really use a few chips now...
Lan: *impatient* Hang on. *shuffles some around and sends Sword*
Rock: *still getting pwned* Why Sword? I had enough Custom Gauge for a Giga!
Lan: Hold on one sec, Rock! We're gonna use a /Program Advance/!
Rock: *dies*
Lan: Okay, I'm sending WideSword now! Rock? Rock?

O.o Well, that was an interesting trip into my psyche.

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